Joke of the day!!

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by dynastyhan, Aug 1, 2014.

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  1. dynastyhan

    dynastyhan Famous

    A co-worker forwarded me this joke, so I'd like to share it here too! :D


    A young guy named R'yns from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

    The Manager asks, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."

    Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid because he reminds the boss of that cool Xmas kid he met online and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. :D

    "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

    His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

    "How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.

    That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son."
    The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
    The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

    The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

    The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

    The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"
    The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.
  2. SlickPinkwood

    SlickPinkwood Famous

    Man I have a ton of jokes, most of which my dad taught me and probably shouldn't be shared here.
    I have one though.

    What are the 3 rings in marriage?

    First you have the engagement ring.

    Second comes the wedding ring.

    Third is the suffering.
  3. XzerothreeX

    XzerothreeX Famous

  4. SlickPinkwood

    SlickPinkwood Famous

    XzerothreeX likes this.
  5. GamerGirl82

    GamerGirl82 Here To Help

    If marriage is as miserable as married people make it out to be, then why marry in the first place? That has never made sense to me.
    cogre and Alchemist like this.
  6. XzerothreeX

    XzerothreeX Famous

    Teen Pregnancy.
  7. SlickPinkwood

    SlickPinkwood Famous

    I wasn't saying marriage is miserable. Just sharing a joke, of which may have originated from a person who didn't enjoy marriage. Personally I feel in good marriages, the couples can joke. I am sure if some outsider heard how I joked with my wife and vice versa, they would think horrible things. My wife knows no matter what I say or joke about that I would do absolutely anything for her and I know the same. Being married for 7 years now in December, from the age of 18, I feel I can give my input on that :D
  8. SlickPinkwood

    SlickPinkwood Famous

    Yup :D One of the better choices I made in my life. A lot of people told us we wouldn't last due to our young age, but here we are 6 years and 8 months later, still proving them wrong.
    Not saying everyone should get married at 18. But you have to follow your heart and take a chance and make sure you do what makes you happy, otherwise you may miss out on a lot.
  9. Wow, you really have things figured out. I envy you, i hope you and your wife last for many more to come.
  10. dynastyhan

    dynastyhan Famous

    I got married earlier than 18. you see... I got married to my gaming PC since 14.... :D
  11. SlickPinkwood

    SlickPinkwood Famous

    Thanks buddy :) I definitely do not have things figured out though :p We take things day by day and support each other to the fullest. I am pretty sure that's how most good relationships, marriage or not, work. There are always hard hands dealt, but its how you face them together that matters most. At least IMO :D
  12. Nengtaka

    Nengtaka Here To Help

  13. Nengtaka

    Nengtaka Here To Help

    Kim Kardashian still hasn't figured that out.
    #72daystoKris #58daystoKanye
  14. SlickPinkwood

    SlickPinkwood Famous

    When I was younger, around 17. I worked a seasonal position at the local ice factory. (Shitty job trust me) With my first paycheck, I bought this hoodie. I thought it was pretty funny, until the day and elderly lady came up to me and smacked me :( Now that I look back, it may have not been the best thing to wear in public.
  15. XzerothreeX

    XzerothreeX Famous

    More of a supportive like than a 'thanks for piping down.'
    ilovethisgame and SlickPinkwood like this.
  16. WillieSea

    WillieSea Famous

    So, is this a joke thread or a marriage thread?

    First the joke:
    A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I`d like to get a $30,000. loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it`s ok, he knows the bank manager.

    Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan ...with some collateral. The frog says, " Sure, I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall,bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she`ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into the back office.

    She finds the manager and says, "There`s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

    And the punch line...

    The bank manager looks back at her and says... "It`s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man`s a Rolling Stone."

    Now the marriage stuff:
    I was 29 when I got married. And this month, I will have been married for 20 years. Its had its ups and downs. We really are not very compatible, but we make it work. Sort of. lol
  17. GamerGirl82

    GamerGirl82 Here To Help

    Technically, this WAS a joke thread that I unintentionally turned into a marriage thread cuz i made a comment on someones joke.
    As for the 'rant', I can do much worse, I just choose not to at present.
  18. Undead Nicole

    Undead Nicole Community Manager Staff Member

    Stay on topic please or create a thread for your specific run off.
  19. dynastyhan

    dynastyhan Famous

    How women put on tight jeans...

    Speaking of jeans, here's another short joke for you all:

    One chromosome asks another chromosome, "Do these genes make me look fat?!?!?"
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2015
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